Merry Christmas
December 25, 2019
I am not sure who (if anyone) still follows this blog, but I thought I would take advantage of this venue to express a few thoughts on this special day. Christmas is not only a time to come together but I think that the songs, decorations and traditions also create an opportunity to indulge in memories, especially those of anyone that cannot be with us. At least that’s how it works for me – who doesn’t listen to “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” without getting a little sentimental?
It’s hard to believe that 10 Christmases have gone by without my mom, because my memories of waking up on Christmas morning to open gifts with my parents are still as vivid as if they happened yesterday. And as I look at the ornaments on my tree, many of which she chose, it’s astonishing for me to think about how much time has passed, and the decade of Christmases that she has missed.
At the beginning, mourning my mom started out with just the usual realization of loss; like the phone call that I would no longer receive after work just to discuss how my day had been. As the memories of things like her voice on the phone became distant though, my grief has transformed from not just the absence of her to the selfish regret that she is not here to experience our lives with us, with me.
She would have loved to know the beautiful granddaughters that her son and daughter-in-law have raised. And the enjoyment that my father receives from them and from following all of their athletic pursuits. She would have liked to see how we still come together when we can as a family, and with our extended family who continue to be an important part of our lives. And how often she still comes up in our conversations whenever we are all together.
Thinking about my mom right now reminds me that there is much to be thankful for, and truth be told, this melancholy mood I am currently experiencing at the end of Christmas Day 2019 is one of my favorite traditions of Christmas. As I think about taking down the tree and restoring the house back to its pre-holiday state, I remember that mom would want it this way.
If anyone reads this, I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas, filled with many happy memories.
Chole's Quilt: A Community of Family & Friends 
January 5, 2020 at 5:02 pm
One of my memories of Chole during the holiday includes watching her make tamales. I believe she held the title of La Tamalera for the longest time. My thoughts of her take place whenever I see or hear: children, sunflowers, musica como De Colores, doves, Harry Belafonte, Johnny Mathis, and La Bamba by Ritchie Valens.
There is a mannerism of Chole I will never forget. While looking in the mirror and standing tall, chin held high, she would swipe her bangs quickly to the side. This gesture usually resulted in her wearing whatever she had recently changed into. I tried to imitate that gesture to feel as confident as she appeared to, but it was Chole’s and never worked for me.
January 6, 2020 at 1:23 pm
Mague and everyone.
I am sure Chole and Emma are pointing their fingers at me and laughing and scolding at the same time. I used a tortilla press to make tamales this year. I thought they came out really good. I could make the masa come out to the right thickness and was quicker and easier for me. I was always amazed at how quickly and perfectly Chole and Emma could spread the masa. Chole would always say keep the masa thin and a 4′ x 5′ square. There is so much I miss at Christmas and I think it is the reason I still try my best to make tamales.
We have a Christmas tradition that Chole insisted on and came from a story Emma told. At the bottom of everyone’s stocking there is always an orange. Emma told the story of one Christmas her father was on a railroad strike and the family did not have money for presents and her Christmas gift was an orange. We continue to do that to remind us all to be thankful for what we have and to remember those in the world who have so much less.
It also reminds me of what a decent, caring and loving person that was Chole. She had such a loving heart for children and people of the world. She would be appalled as we all are to see what is going on today.
Howard
December 26, 2019 at 11:21 am
Howard.
Thank you for reminding us of the Quilt. You have a way of resurrecting so many wonderful remembrances of your mom and grandmother. They would be so proud of of their hijos as they would call you. You bring just amazing gifts to our entire family.
Lydia thanks for reminding us of Emma and what she brought to our family. We still have a family tradition at the Jackson household that Emma brought to us. Every year at the bottom of everyone’s stocking is an orange off the tree we planted shortly after we moved to Fresno. Emma told the story of a Christmas’ as a child where her gift was an orange in her stocking and that it should remind us of how much we have to be thankful for and. that there are many in the world who are not so blessed and that we all need to be mindful of the meaning of Christmas.
I am truly thankful for much this Christmas Season. The heart of what i am thankful for is our wonderful family. The quilt gives us a chance to express our affection for our family. Both Chole and Emma would want us to remember this above all.
Howard
December 26, 2019 at 6:37 am
Merry Christmas Howard, and thanks for sharing. It’s amazing how often Chole pops into my mind. During the holidays that only increases. This year is Year 1 without Mom and I thought I was doing rather well. I just couldn’t get to writing Christmas Cards though. She and I always did that together, even after I moved out. This year I procrastinated until the last minute, instead of mailing them Thanksgiving weekend, which was our tradition. I finally gathered up all I needed and headed to a Starbucks, muttering in my head that I wasn’t leaving until they were all sealed and addressed. Well, I got though about a third and drove straight to a USPS to mail them. I’ve no idea who I didn’t send a card to but hey, there’s always next year. Tamales were made, the Nativity Scene was arranged and Christmas with friends and family was enjoyed. I’m sure both our Moms are smiling over the way we miss them, they feel the love.
December 26, 2019 at 8:54 am
I had a Christmas tradition with your mom too. After the presents were opened on Christmas Eve, and everyone went home, my family would stay at grandma’s house for the night. My brother and my parents would sleep in the big bedroom, and I would sleep on the couch in the living room. And every year at midnight, grandma would come into the living room to place the baby Jesus in the manger of the Nativity. She would do it quietly without checking to see if I was awake, and she would say a prayer. As I watched her private ritual every year I came to realize how important faith can be, and how important her faith was to her. Only after her prayer would she glance my way to see if I was awake (I always was) and she would ask me the same question: “do you know the meaning of Christmas?”. She didn’t ask the question in a preachy way, it seemed like it was just her way of including me in her Christmas tradition. Sometimes we would talk for a long time, which I enjoyed because it was super late and way past my bedtime, and it was just grandma and me.