A Father’s Day Reflection

June 24, 2009


It is apparent that from now on each and every birthday, anniversary, holiday and special time of year will have its special memories, joyful recollections and certain difficulties in experiencing them as our family begins to deal with the loss of Chole in our lives.  The first of these for me was this past Sunday which was Father’s Day.  The memories and importance of fatherhood for me have never been more deeply felt.  The real joy of fatherhood for me was never an individual experience but a family experience from the very moment of our son’s births which I shared with Chole into each and every day of our lives. I cannot possibly think of fatherhood and Father’s Day without thinking of Chole.  It cannot be separated as she is fully intertwined in my relationship with Howard and Isaac.  She is woven into every piece of the fabric of our family’s history including all of our 40 Father’s Days we shared.

There was no special celebration or recognition last Sunday as we prepared as a family for the difficult days ahead.  There was no need.  The boys did express the words “happy father’s day” to me but it was their love, support of me and their deeds that allowed me to experience a most deeply felt Father’s Day. There were cards, expressions of love and of course one of Howard’s incredible ties.  However, it was their response to each other and our extended family, friends and acquaintances that gave to me the most wonderful Father’s Day experience in 40 years of celebration in our family. 

It has been the support and love they gave to their mother over the past months as she struggled with her illness and final days.  There was the constant search for food and drink that she would enjoy.  There were the nights they slept at her side on the couch. The watching of NCIS reruns for the fourth time which she enjoyed.  Towards the end it was the gentle bed turns and moistening her mouth and helping her to be as comfortable as possible.  At the very end it was being at her side in her final hours and minutes savouring each and every moment.   But in the end it was and always has been the meaning Howard & Isaac brought to both of our lives.

It was and continues to be an expression of love that Chole would have felt so deeply proud and appreciative as do I.

When I woke up on Monday morning the day of the celebration of Chole’s life I found a card from Emma and Sophia on my bathroom sink wishing me a happy Father’s Day, and expressing their love and their loss of their Abu. The intertwining of all of us into theses special days for our family continues.

This Father’s Day will always be special.



One Response to “A Father’s Day Reflection”

  1. Mague (margarita) Says:

    Yesterday morning I opened the front door to welcome my sons Gene, Mikie, and their children, as I always do at the start of a work day. Here I am, grandma ready to provide child care as so many of us do every morning. The eggs and chorizo are ready, oatmeals done, etc., etc.

    I watch Gene carry 11 month old Kami (Mikie’s daughter) into the house. From the car into the house, Kami is all smiles in the arms of her Uncle Gene. Mikie is busy with the other two kids, Little Gene and Nadine who are sleepy but not too sleepy to be fighting with each other.

    All at once, while standing at the front door, Chole is with me reminding me to enjoy this otherwise daily common sight. She says don’t take it for granted, cherish every moment, you are so lucky to be together even if they eat like horses. Chole has become my constant reminder of good things.

    Images of Howard and Isaac caring for Chole will always be with me. Isaac kneeling at his mom’s right side with Howard standing on her left side are etched forever in my memory. Chole and I always remarked how lucky we are to have such wonderful husbands, how it is we were blessed with such children remains a mystery.

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